I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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