My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want nice things and good sex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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