in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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