all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
