There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
