can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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