This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
