I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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