You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
