As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
