New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
