i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
