Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want to have your abortion
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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