Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
