So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
