could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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