I could make wine with my vomit
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
