he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
