Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
