I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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