Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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