Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
