I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
