I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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