his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
