i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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