I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
