i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
