just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
