I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
