Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
