Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
