my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Buhtt sex?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
