You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
