I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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