i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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