Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
