i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
