there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Enjoy the penises
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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