I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
