We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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