Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i love accidental penises.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
