Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
