I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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