O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
