so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
