I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
