Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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