Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
