she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
