So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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